The Fire Starter by Mark Tulin – Disquiet Arts

The Fire Starter by Mark Tulin – First published in Disquiet Arts

The Fire Starter


Deep in the woods,
I make my daily journey
Nobody has found me yet,
although they know I like
to set my toys aflame,
burning plastic
in the basement

I have to light fires
to douse my anger,
to destroy and conquer,
to avoid the pain 
of being burned
by the end of a cigarette

I need to feed the flames,
see its blackness reach the sky,
and watch myself get charred and burned,
so I don’t feel deprived

My mother thinks
that it’s a stage I’m going through, 
while my therapist believes it’s far worse,
like I’ve been exposed, somehow,
to a stranger in the middle of the night
or a man who whips me with a belt

I’m confused—
I don’t know what to feel
There’s a dullness in my head
that I can’t let go,
a tear that I can’t mend
I am looking for a match
to light up the world,
and repair what's broken.